It's here!! It's finally here!! Now what??

Maddie's insulin pump arrived in the mail yesterday, and our whole family is so excited! We are really looking forward to being able to manage her blood sugars more effectively - and who doesn't love a new gadget?! So it may come as a surprise that I didn't tear into the box as soon as I received it. Instead, I hid it under my desk until school ended without even telling Maddie about it. That wasn't easy, mind you: the box is about the size of one of those plastic tubs that people use to store Christmas decorations in the attic. But I have a reason for keeping it on the down-low: something THIS IMPORTANT must be handled properly. You don't just go digging around in the box and playing with the contents all willy-nilly, because you could really mess things up! I need time to see what instructions are in the box and to follow them to the "T." And I know that Maddie (and Kirk) will pressure me to rush through that process as soon as they find out the box is here.



So on the way to the car after school, Maddie asked "What's in the box?" and I casually said, "Oh, it's your pump." You should have seen her eyes. "THAT is my pump? Please tell me it's not that big! PLEASE tell me there's a lot of packing material in that box!" I reassured her that indeed there was quite a lot of other stuff in the box, too, and we would find out all about it at home.

On our way home, I called my husband to let him know the pump had arrived. "Great!" he said, "So... what are you thinking for dinner?" Obviously, investigating the pump in earnest would have to wait until after I fed the family. I did open the box and discover a large envelope on top with these ominous words: OPEN ME. When I flipped the packet over to open it, I saw this:

Start Here
Step One: Complete the Basics of Insulin Pump Therapy by [taking this online course] or by reading the workbook in this envelope. (The workbook is spiral-bound and literally has 100 pages!)
Step Two: Open insulin pump box, remove pump.
Step Three: Read and complete practice exercises in the Step-by-Step Guide found in this envelope or [on this web site] or [on the included CD]. (The guide is also spiral-bound and has 86 pages!)
Step Four: Schedule Pump-Start Training class.

Seriously?!?! How does anyone have the kind of self-control it's going to take to follow these instructions?! I knew this would be difficult, but I determined to DO THIS RIGHT. I reminded myself of the potential consequences of getting ahead of the process: not only could we ruin this expensive piece of equipment, but we would be setting a bad example to our daughter. Now, if I can just get my husband to cooperate with my stubborn desire to obey the instructions, we'll be okay.

During supper, I informed Kirk and Maddie that there was some training material we needed to go through before we could get out the pump and "play with it." They balked at first ("Can't we just look at it?") but I showed them the instructions on the envelope and announced that we MUST do this properly, because it's a very important piece of equipment that we don't want to mess up. They reluctantly agreed to go through the material together.

Kirk and Maddie opted for ME to read the information aloud to them. And it was dry. And we already knew most of the first 85 pages of material, but I didn't want to skip anything for fear that there was some nugget we would regret missing. After about 45 pages of reading verbatim, I began summarizing. After a few dozen pages like that, I began reading silently and announcing "We already know this part... and this part... Oh, here's something..." And I quizzed Maddie whenever I wasn't sure whether she understood something, but she always did. Kirk's eyes were rolling back in his head, and drool was dripping off Maddie's chin, our dog Aggie was sprawled out on Kirk's lap, twitching in her sleep, and I'm sure I could hear the clock ticking "TICK....... TOCK..... TICK...... TOCK..... get ON with this, woman!!"

Finally, we reached the end of the booklet. Kirk snatched the insulin pump box and opened it up, pulling out all the little plastic baggies with parts inside them and spreading them all out on the sofa. Suddenly, I could see the future:

Kirk: "Honey, where's the flibberty-jibbet?"
Me: "I don't know. Was it in the box when you opened it?"
Kirk: "I don't remember. But the pump won't work without it."
Me: "Well where are the pieces you took out of the box?"
Kirk: "I'll check outside with the dog..."

"STOP!!" I shouted. "YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE ALL THE PARTS!!!" No, I didn't. I didn't say that. I WANTED to, but I didn't, because after nearly twenty years of marriage I have learned a few things, and one of them is not to accuse my husband of something he's GOING to do. Instead, I calmly suggested that he put the pieces back into the box so the dog wouldn't grab them and take them outside through her doggy-door, as she is wont to do with anything she finds lying around. And Kirk, because HE has been married for almost twenty years and has found many valuables in the back yard, complied.

I opened up the 85-page Step-By-Step Guide and asked my dear family, "So, are you ready to move on to Step Three?"

"NO!" they both replied. So we decided to wait until tomorrow. Well, THEY will wait - I will read on, because that will enable me to more effectively summarize the material.