Born This Way

Even though I don't listen to secular radio stations, Lady Gaga's song "Born This Way" has managed to penetrate my shields and make an impression on me. I don't agree with everything in it, but I can't deny that it contains some good messages. So now, when I think about who I am and how I'm "wired," that song pops into my head, which is why I've used it as my title.

From childhood, certain characteristics have always been evident in me: strong desire to do what's right, strong interest in learning the truth, inability to make decisions until I feel confident that I have researched all possible options, awareness of the difference between my own standards and those of the world, etc.

When adolescence hit, I was conflicted, because like most kids I desperately wanted peer approval but couldn't manage to do what it took to get it. Eventually I discovered that ALL my peers were struggling for that same approval, even the ones I thought HAD it, and I stopped trying so desperately to get it. I became more self confident and willing to stick out as "odd" if that's what it took to stick to my own standards. Then, the only battle was determining what my standards should be. I believed in Absolute Truth, so I focused on applying that to my daily life.

Meanwhile, I spent some time offending others with my stubbornness about being "right." It took a while before I recognized that self-righteousness was NOT a characteristic I wanted. Not only does it hurt others, it doesn't fit into my value system. Once I determined THAT, I began working on maintaining relationships in spite of differences in value systems. Most of my teen and early adult years were spent in this stage of moral development.

First, I adopted this popular perspective: whatever works for you is right for you, and whatever works for me is right for me. This seemed perfect, because it relieved me of the responsibility of correcting others. (I might have remained in this state indefinitely, but I could not reconcile it with Absolute Truth. That's a topic for another blog...) To avoid being self-righteous and offending people, I just tried to keep silent most of the time.

Eventually, I even began to suppress my personal characteristics - unsuccessfully, but I did try. For the past twenty years, I have gained a reputation among my family, friends, and colleagues (even among different communities) for being a research junkie. And like any junkie, it really is an addiction. When I wonder something, I can hardly stop myself from "Googling" it, and I usually have a well-researched answer within minutes. It takes tremendous self-control NOT to follow my curiosity from topic to topic, surfing the web into the wee hours of the morning until my brain can function no longer due to sleep deprivation. Only my greater sense of obligation to my family and my job have kept me from doing this on a regular basis - I have to just force myself to stop.

So you can imagine my surprise when the Author of Absolute Truth allowed my daughter to be diagnosed with Type One Diabetes. Lo and behold, this disease is best fought by someone who researches and becomes an expert on the patient's own unique case. My greatest obligation - to care for my daughter - is best met by the use of my innate determination to learn the facts. I'm going to embrace that and fight this diabetes demon to the end!

So there you have it. That's why I keep thinking of the lyrics in Lady Gaga's song:

There's nothin' wrong with lovin' who you are
She said, 'cause He made you perfect, babe
So hold your head up, girl and you'll go far
Listen to me when I say
I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way, yeah!